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“Forgive and let go. Find the courage to move on. Free yourself and say goodbye.” We’ve all been told to let go of the past so we can move boldly into the future, whether we get that advice from friends, family, or self-help gurus. Yet it’s not always easy to say goodbye and shut the door on a painful situation, which is why life has a way of stepping in to show us that endings can be just what the doctor ordered.

I saw that happen not too long ago with a friend who unexpectedly split up with her partner of six years. Toward the end of their time together, he treated her badly and cheated on her. While she knew the break-up was good for her, she had lingering doubts and regrets. It took her many months to realize that his immature behavior was actually the catalyst life needed to engineer her freedom from a very unhealthy situation. In essence, her partner had been fired from the relationship and she had been promoted. Once she finally embraced the ending and accepted the “promotion,”she was able to experience the gifts it brought with it—she had more energy,made new friends, and even found a new job that gave her more room to grow.

Is there an ending in your life that you’ve never fully accepted—a breakup, a layoff, a financial loss? Do you still feel sad or sorry about it? Do you have a hard time letting go because you blame yourself or others? Having persistent regrets that constantly push their way into your thoughts is a sure sign that some part of you is still walking around in thepast. When that happens, you are operating with less than 100 percent of your energy in the present. Yet you’ll need all of your strength and power if you want to move full steam ahead into the future you want to create for yourself.

Here are three essential and practical keys that can help you get unstuck, honor the endings in your life, and move forward more quickly.

Reframe Endings as Graduations. When you are faced with an ending, you may find yourself reacting with bitterness or blame. While that’s a natural reaction, resist the temptation to continually bemoan your fate and pull the covers over your head. Instead, take this turn of events as an unerring message that you are being summoned to a different path.You may not know why right now, but that doesn’t matter. Move forward knowing that this new direction will reveal its purpose in time. In fact, this ending may very well be a step up and away from something that would have eventually dragged you down.

Try this tip: Each time you catch yourself complaining about or dwelling on a past event, stop. Remember that what you concentrate on is what you energize.Instead of looking back, ask yourself: “What new and positive outcomes do I want to show up in my life?” Start focusing on and talking about your new plans with excitement. Ask your friends to support you by doing the same.

Create Your Personal,Physical Ritual of Release. Doing something to physically mark an ending can help you release regrets once and for all. Create a personal ritual of release that has meaning for you—one that will allow you to express your innermost feelings and then let go so you can greet the new beginning that is always waiting for you.

Try this tip: There are many ways to create your personal ritual of release.One is to write a letter to God (using whatever name you prefer to address the creative Spirit of the universe). Pour your feelings into the words you are writing and ask for support in letting go and finding peace, then turn over the situation with a prayer of surrender on your lips. You can also ask that what you wrote be carried as an inner message to the people who were part of the situation. Another effective ritual is to hold a stone, shell, or other object and feel your emotions about an unpleasant event moving into it. Give a special prayer or affirmation, then fling the object off the side of a mountain or into a moving body of water as you see and feel it disappear from your life.

Bring Closure by Being Proactive.
If you’ve done something in the past that still plagues you, consider taking concrete action to set things right. Rather than allowing recurring thoughts about the incident to continually weigh you down, lighten your load by changing how the story ends.